Thursday, May 28, 2009

Evidence 101

It’s an EFCC matter involving forgery of cheques and Counsel-Bully (CB) Bully is for the defendant. CB is one of those TV lawyers whose faces are better remembered than their names. His derisive cross-examination is reputed to have witnesses having a go at his fat layered neck.
‘Are you familiar with cheques and how to detect their authenticity?’
‘Well, relatively…’
CB jumps at this, he can’t wait to ‘tear the witness’ apart.
‘Oh, merely relatively eh? I P-U-T it to you that you are an ignorant officer who wants to destroy my client’s reputation’ (‘put’ comes with some spit)
He looks like the cat who found the cream and is about to start rolling on the floor.
‘I was about to say that I have attended courses on cheque cloning and fraud detection at Switzerland and in Germany. I just came back from the IMF-sponsored six month programme at The Hague solely dedicated to international fraud detection and preventive practices.’
CB must have skipped Evidence 101 - Never ask a question if you don’t know the answer.
‘Oh, so you have enough theoretical experience, eh?’
He actually winks at his client in the dock.
Too late -
‘I was with the Institute for Security Studies, South Africa for two years, then moved to the Interpol for six years where I was team leader in halting the attempt to flood the UAE with fake dinars. I also…’
‘That’s okay! This honourable Court does not need your life history!’
The Bar was in stitches.
Some moments just make it worth it.

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