Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Horizontal Inclinations

There are some things that change your life forever.
One of those ‘things’ is a picture of a Judge in his robed majesty, straining to see over the Bench. This singular de-horizontal fact overpowers all semblance of fierceness, dignity strength and nobility.
As someone who is described as ‘short’ by evil mouths and detractors who catch me without my customary heels, I can empathise with His Lordship. I am in court 2 and the judge is trying hard to see the witness who has similar horizontal inclinations. Every time he wants to clarify an issue, he bends over the bench, leaning on his elbows and almost spilling his ink pot. Unfortunately, I am not the only one who’s noticed the comedy, and even the short witness smirks.
Lesson to learn: if by some impossibly, unlikely chance I get to play Judge and Mistress over all with no corresponding size inflating miracle, the first thing I ‘shall’ demand - before a new silk gown - will be a customised chair. It will be the plushest ever, with legs at least four feet high so everyone has to strain to see me. No straining for Judge Rookie-Diva.

By the way, His Lordship seems oblivious and betrays no emotion.

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